Paper Dolls and Porn Star dreams

In the 10 + years of youth ministry, I have worked with many young girls. Indeed, I have heard many hopes and dreams of young women. Some want to be doctors, artists, business women, veterinarians, wives, mothers and so on...but I remember the girl that shattered my idealistic, rehearsed, and repeated expectations. 


 Usually I ask a young lady, "What do you dream about? What do you want to do with your life?"  We have made dream boards, kept journals, had heart chats about some of the grandest of dreams. They tell me with a grin all of their dreams and hopes.Then, I with an affirming smile tell them," That is such a good dream! Go for it! " Its quite routine. Me...stuck in my idealism is predictable really. 

I want to be a porn star...that's what I want to be when I grow up. 

I never saw that coming. I felt like my eyes almost popped out of my head as I looked at the young girl who fully meant every word she said. She didn't flinch as she stared at my bewildered face. With all her might she hoped to be a porn star.She explained to me that she could make a ton of money and that it would be so amazing to have the stares and adoration of men.You would always feel wanted. Everything else she said sounded as if the words were being squeezed out of a sponge.My ears were the bucket capturing the outpouring of shock. It was a silent and yet loud chaos as I tried to process the thought of this girls dreams. I didn't have a cheer prepared. 

That day, I realized that I don't have time to be idealistic. 

Do you feel squeamish when reading or hearing about this topic? Most people don't want to talk about it. Its time to wake up. Thats what I told myself that day. This is not a game.  The porn industry is a booming business. Taking more than our credit cards and squandering more than our fortunes. Purity, innocence, identity, and much more are being spent on the idol of porn. The average age of the young people who are viewing and becoming addicted to pornography is 11 years old. Some or exposed at a earlier age than this. Passcode's, locked computers, and firewalls can't change a heart. Shaming people will not set them free. Only the unconditional love of God will break the chains of addiction. There are girls that are addicted to porn or they think that the only way to get to a mans heart is through mimicking a porn star. 

What's really going on? 

The need to be connected and intimate is a God given desire.  At the root of porn addiction you will often find, loneliness  boredom, and a need for strong connection.  Porn is a counterfeit that many turn to in order to have that need met. Quite frankly it's a sinister trap that usually doesn't get talked about until someone is ensnared. Porn is a snazzy liar that looks pretty until you get up close and realize its a demon you are facing eye to eye. 


Time to dream again...


Proverbs 29:18 "Where there is no vision, the people perish..."


I know, this generation will not be satisfied with what has satisfied other generations. You will not settle for anything that is not MORE. You're hungry and bored of the fake n bake answers. It's time to stir up the dreams and visions in this generation. With out a vision people perish. Acknowledging the deep need for relationship, community, and a place to belong that is bigger is a start. Its time to ask what kind of men and women you want to be? What legacy do you want to leave for your children? Today, I encourage you to ask God to show you the people you need to be doing life with. Write down your dreams and hopes. Ask yourself if your choices are lining up with your dreams. What boundaries do you have to protect your dreams and your value? 


As for me, there is no time for idealism. There is only time to  partner with Gods dream for this generation.

To the young men ❤️

Happy Valentines Day! You may or may not know just how amazing you are. I hope your mother told you that you would be great and that you're adored. Today, I thought I would speak to you. I usually speak to the young ladies, but today, you were on my heart. I have three sons and one of my biggest dreams for them is that they would be loved by a good woman. Not a woman I choose but a woman God sets them up with.  

 I know that one of your deepest desires is to be respected unconditionally and loved. In light of Valentines Day, I wanted to tell you 10 things that I would and do tell my sons . I know...usually you hear the shot gun stories about dads...but I am a mother that takes very seriously who will get to have the heart of my sons. 

1.)  GUARD YOUR HEART WITH ALL DILIGENCE- Do not be drawn in by snap shots of seduction. Lust is never fulfilled. If you taste of lust you will never be satisfied and will always be starving for true intimacy. A young lady that respects herself will respect you too. 

2.) DOES SHE WEAR KINDNESS AND LOYALTY?  Do not look for a woman who merely dresses herself with fine clothes. Yes she is beautiful but is she kind? Respectful? Is she loyal? If she is not loyal to others she will not be loyal to you. 

3) ARE YOU HER ONLY DREAM?- You want to choose a woman who knows who she is and is confident. You want to align yourself with a girl who has adventure on her mind and wants to explore the world by your side. You should be excited to be with a woman who wants to explore your dreams and wants to share her dreams with you. You should not be her only dream.

4) IF YOU STEAL HER FROM SOMEONE ELSE SHE CAN BE STOLEN FROM YOU- Never get into a relationship with someone else's girl.  You are more than that! So is she! There is a woman that you will choose that will be yours for life. Faithfulness starts when you're  single. Show good character and look for a girl who  has good character as well! 


5.) FLATTERY IS POISON- Sure, when she winks her eye and tells you how cute you are...it feels good...but is she telling all the other boys the same thing  for attention? Flattery is used for selfish reasons and leads to heart breaks. Do  however, look for a girl who is encouraging and will tell you the truth. She should call out the best in you and have the highest respect for who you are. 

6) YOU ARE THE PURSUER- Never leave her guessing about where you stand. You should define the relationship. If she has won your heart you should tell her your intentions. I know the pressure can be great...but she will respect you more for being up front. 

7) YOU WERE CREATED TO FIGHT AND PROTECT-  The woman you choose is worth fighting for. If you choose her and comit your heart and life to her there will be many times that you will have to lay your life down for her. Generations depend on it! You will be the hero of your family and there will be those who will look up to you. You will not be perfect but you can be her hero! 



8)  ARE YOU WILLING TO SERVE HER? - LOVE is not about taking. You will give your whole life.  Will you lay down your life for her?  If you want to take from her then your intentions are wrong. You should want to give her your whole life. 


9) JEALOUSY IS DESTRUCTION- If you are insecure and jealous  you will harm her.  Whether with words or action...jealousy will lead to strife. If she wants you to be 
 jealous then she does not have your best interest at heart. 

10) RELATIONSHIPS CHANGE OUR LIVES- YOU have some big choices to make and one of them is who you will give your heart, life, and body to. CHOOSE wisely, and keep in mind that she deserves your best too. 
                
                                       

These are just a few things. I know I am not your mother...but a lot is weighing on your shoulders. I want you to know that the world does need good men. Men that will fight for purity, commitment, faithfulness. Men that will love their wives until death do they part. Men that will raise their sons and daughters and be their hero. You are good enough! You can and will do it! You have the ability to take your place as the men God called you to be! I have the highest regard for men and believe that you have a high calling. You will lead...how will you lead?