Paper Dolls and Porn Star dreams

In the 10 + years of youth ministry, I have worked with many young girls. Indeed, I have heard many hopes and dreams of young women. Some want to be doctors, artists, business women, veterinarians, wives, mothers and so on...but I remember the girl that shattered my idealistic, rehearsed, and repeated expectations. 


 Usually I ask a young lady, "What do you dream about? What do you want to do with your life?"  We have made dream boards, kept journals, had heart chats about some of the grandest of dreams. They tell me with a grin all of their dreams and hopes.Then, I with an affirming smile tell them," That is such a good dream! Go for it! " Its quite routine. Me...stuck in my idealism is predictable really. 

I want to be a porn star...that's what I want to be when I grow up. 

I never saw that coming. I felt like my eyes almost popped out of my head as I looked at the young girl who fully meant every word she said. She didn't flinch as she stared at my bewildered face. With all her might she hoped to be a porn star.She explained to me that she could make a ton of money and that it would be so amazing to have the stares and adoration of men.You would always feel wanted. Everything else she said sounded as if the words were being squeezed out of a sponge.My ears were the bucket capturing the outpouring of shock. It was a silent and yet loud chaos as I tried to process the thought of this girls dreams. I didn't have a cheer prepared. 

That day, I realized that I don't have time to be idealistic. 

Do you feel squeamish when reading or hearing about this topic? Most people don't want to talk about it. Its time to wake up. Thats what I told myself that day. This is not a game.  The porn industry is a booming business. Taking more than our credit cards and squandering more than our fortunes. Purity, innocence, identity, and much more are being spent on the idol of porn. The average age of the young people who are viewing and becoming addicted to pornography is 11 years old. Some or exposed at a earlier age than this. Passcode's, locked computers, and firewalls can't change a heart. Shaming people will not set them free. Only the unconditional love of God will break the chains of addiction. There are girls that are addicted to porn or they think that the only way to get to a mans heart is through mimicking a porn star. 

What's really going on? 

The need to be connected and intimate is a God given desire.  At the root of porn addiction you will often find, loneliness  boredom, and a need for strong connection.  Porn is a counterfeit that many turn to in order to have that need met. Quite frankly it's a sinister trap that usually doesn't get talked about until someone is ensnared. Porn is a snazzy liar that looks pretty until you get up close and realize its a demon you are facing eye to eye. 


Time to dream again...


Proverbs 29:18 "Where there is no vision, the people perish..."


I know, this generation will not be satisfied with what has satisfied other generations. You will not settle for anything that is not MORE. You're hungry and bored of the fake n bake answers. It's time to stir up the dreams and visions in this generation. With out a vision people perish. Acknowledging the deep need for relationship, community, and a place to belong that is bigger is a start. Its time to ask what kind of men and women you want to be? What legacy do you want to leave for your children? Today, I encourage you to ask God to show you the people you need to be doing life with. Write down your dreams and hopes. Ask yourself if your choices are lining up with your dreams. What boundaries do you have to protect your dreams and your value? 


As for me, there is no time for idealism. There is only time to  partner with Gods dream for this generation.

To the young men ❤️

Happy Valentines Day! You may or may not know just how amazing you are. I hope your mother told you that you would be great and that you're adored. Today, I thought I would speak to you. I usually speak to the young ladies, but today, you were on my heart. I have three sons and one of my biggest dreams for them is that they would be loved by a good woman. Not a woman I choose but a woman God sets them up with.  

 I know that one of your deepest desires is to be respected unconditionally and loved. In light of Valentines Day, I wanted to tell you 10 things that I would and do tell my sons . I know...usually you hear the shot gun stories about dads...but I am a mother that takes very seriously who will get to have the heart of my sons. 

1.)  GUARD YOUR HEART WITH ALL DILIGENCE- Do not be drawn in by snap shots of seduction. Lust is never fulfilled. If you taste of lust you will never be satisfied and will always be starving for true intimacy. A young lady that respects herself will respect you too. 

2.) DOES SHE WEAR KINDNESS AND LOYALTY?  Do not look for a woman who merely dresses herself with fine clothes. Yes she is beautiful but is she kind? Respectful? Is she loyal? If she is not loyal to others she will not be loyal to you. 

3) ARE YOU HER ONLY DREAM?- You want to choose a woman who knows who she is and is confident. You want to align yourself with a girl who has adventure on her mind and wants to explore the world by your side. You should be excited to be with a woman who wants to explore your dreams and wants to share her dreams with you. You should not be her only dream.

4) IF YOU STEAL HER FROM SOMEONE ELSE SHE CAN BE STOLEN FROM YOU- Never get into a relationship with someone else's girl.  You are more than that! So is she! There is a woman that you will choose that will be yours for life. Faithfulness starts when you're  single. Show good character and look for a girl who  has good character as well! 


5.) FLATTERY IS POISON- Sure, when she winks her eye and tells you how cute you are...it feels good...but is she telling all the other boys the same thing  for attention? Flattery is used for selfish reasons and leads to heart breaks. Do  however, look for a girl who is encouraging and will tell you the truth. She should call out the best in you and have the highest respect for who you are. 

6) YOU ARE THE PURSUER- Never leave her guessing about where you stand. You should define the relationship. If she has won your heart you should tell her your intentions. I know the pressure can be great...but she will respect you more for being up front. 

7) YOU WERE CREATED TO FIGHT AND PROTECT-  The woman you choose is worth fighting for. If you choose her and comit your heart and life to her there will be many times that you will have to lay your life down for her. Generations depend on it! You will be the hero of your family and there will be those who will look up to you. You will not be perfect but you can be her hero! 



8)  ARE YOU WILLING TO SERVE HER? - LOVE is not about taking. You will give your whole life.  Will you lay down your life for her?  If you want to take from her then your intentions are wrong. You should want to give her your whole life. 


9) JEALOUSY IS DESTRUCTION- If you are insecure and jealous  you will harm her.  Whether with words or action...jealousy will lead to strife. If she wants you to be 
 jealous then she does not have your best interest at heart. 

10) RELATIONSHIPS CHANGE OUR LIVES- YOU have some big choices to make and one of them is who you will give your heart, life, and body to. CHOOSE wisely, and keep in mind that she deserves your best too. 
                
                                       

These are just a few things. I know I am not your mother...but a lot is weighing on your shoulders. I want you to know that the world does need good men. Men that will fight for purity, commitment, faithfulness. Men that will love their wives until death do they part. Men that will raise their sons and daughters and be their hero. You are good enough! You can and will do it! You have the ability to take your place as the men God called you to be! I have the highest regard for men and believe that you have a high calling. You will lead...how will you lead?

Beauty Uncovered

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, am I as beautiful as them all?  When I was a little girl, I remember standing on the toilet in the bathroom looking in the mirror. I locked the door behind me, and grabbed my mothers make up bag. Starring deeply into the mirror I began to ask the question that all girls ask at some point in their lives. Am I beautiful? There was a tube of red lipstick inside, and I remember painting my lips with the precise expertise of a young woman of about 8. I was always fascinated with colors, make up, and hairspray. I would twist my long hair up and then let it fall. Admiring myself for what seemed like hours, I would sing the song, Fame! I know you probably have never heard of that song. It made me feel like I could be a dancer , a lovely ice skater, or even Wonder Woman. I always wanted a pair of my own Wonder Woman underwear.  I was for sure my life would change if I had a pair of those. I would hear my mother call me, and ask what I was doing in there. NOTHING MOM!!! I frantically wiped off the lipstick, but I still wondered about the girl in the mirror. Who was she? Was she beautiful? 

BEAUTIFUL

When you hear that word, BEAUTIFUL, what do you feel? What do you think beautiful is? Are you beautiful?  There is no one around and this is not a quiz; you do not have to give me the right answer. I think we all know the right answers. We are all well rehearsed, and IF this was a quiz, we would all get an A. Here is a right answer...It's the inside that counts. Yet, in 2012 according to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery,"Over 10 million surgical and non surgical procedures were performed in the United States." The top most popular procedure was breast augmentation. Cosmetic procedures have increased 250% since 1997! In 2012 of women 18 and under the top procedures were ear, nose, and breast surgery. Did you hear me?? Women 18 and younger!! One in 200 women suffer from anorexia. It is estimated that 8 million Americans have an eating disorder.  This is staggering to me. Despite the right answers, there is something very wrong. Some how we have become a Shallow Hal society with our fantasies and dreams of what a beautiful women is. 

Psalm 139:14

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Do you know full well that you have been wonderfully made? Or when you look in the mirror do you see a Picasso type image that you think no one can make heads or tails of...especially you! Do you post selfie type pictures on Facebook, and Instagram titled...BORED...when what you might really be asking is...Am I beautiful?  Like the little girl (me) standing on the toilet admiring and scanning herself for beauty do you wonder...Does anyone notice me? Am I worthy?  Do you find yourself striving to measure up to some standard that you can never seem to quite catch up to? Or maybe you try not to look in the mirror at all because you hate what you see? Maybe you try to cover up with over sized clothes because you hate your shape. Maybe you have decided a long time ago your not the pretty girl, and so you quit caring...or so you hope everyone believes. Some of us may even feel offensive and like the ugly duckling.  Are you at peace in your own skin or do you covet your sisters, friend, or neighbors skin? I have decided to begin to look for beauty everyday in others and in myself.  Just this week, I sat with my grandmother who is in her eighties. She has the loveliest blue eyes. I was drawn to the beauty that is in her. She is a woman that loves Jesus, and despite the storms of life she has stood. When I think of what kind of woman I want to be I think of a generous, kind, soft hearted, lovely soul that is flourishing. A woman in love with Jesus, and governed by His ways. I think of a woman that rises to the calling on her life. I think of women in my life that I admire, and all of them in different seasons, and they are breathtaking.   God has a way of making us beautiful. How beautiful it is to see a woman that knows who she is and what she is called to do. That is so beautiful. 

1 Peter 3:3-4

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

I want to be beautiful...and I know you do too.  I want to be a woman that is flourishing.  I want to grasp onto everything that God has for my life. I choose to be a woman that rises up to her calling and walks with freedom. How about you? I pray that today, you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and see the beautiful woman you really are! Today despite all the right answers... I pray that God will get to your heart and sink His unconditional love and acceptance into your spirit. I encourage you to look for the beauty around you and in you. Do not go to Cosmopolitan for the answer. You do not have to play the LMS (like my status) game for a rate on Facebook. May you know instead, that your inner beauty and your heart is of great worth to God. It does not fade, and it is lasting. Today, take some time to engage in the presence of God, he is bringing forth your true beauty. 

Bandaid Please

Ouch, that hurt...

 Can someone get me a bandaid please?

When my boys were little, I started to buy super hero bandaids and keep them on hand just in case. Why you may ask? Well, because when you are training super hero's you are going to need some bandaids. I'd stroll down the isle of Walmart looking at the latest editions of bandages, and ointments. I was looking for just the right ones to be ready to treat wounds acquired from their adventures. It goes hand in hand...wounds and adventures. It kind of became something that I looked forward too...collecting the cutest bandaids. I started a drawer where I kept them...just in case someone got hurt. There was even one step bandaids, the ones that have painkiller or Neosporin already in them. The most recent favorite to my collection is my Angry Birds box of bandaids. Lately though the wounds that my boys might get while on one their adventures could require an E.R visit. It would be  inappropriate to try to put a Buzz Lightyear bandaid on one of those kind of injuries. 

Pain was never meant to be ignored...

Pain tells us when something is wrong. Pain is meant to be dealt with. It is a response to a hurt that is not suppose to continue. That is why when I am flat ironing my hair and I grab the hotplate I mutter, "OUCH THAT HURT!!" There is wisdom in not touching it again. It would be foolish to say okay, well lets see...just keep holding that hot straightener but put a bandaid on your fingers to cover up the pain. It just would not work.  Pain will persist until the issue is dealt with. Lets apply that to matters of your heart, and issues that cry out for attention. The doctor says your depressed and to deal with the pain of depression they give you a bottle of bandaids to treat your internalized grief and anger. One, two, three, your all better? Maybe someone left you, and so with each kiss of your boyfriend you hope that it will treat the rejection you feel in your life. Maybe the bandaid of sex will cover up the deep desire to fill wanted. Maybe you are that young woman that feels like your carrying a big empty tank in your chest, and life keeps bumping up against you reminding you that your empty. You gulp down the alcohol hoping to fill up the void but no matter how much you drink...it is still there...a void.  Maybe your marriage seems broken because your husband just isn't the man you hoped he would be. You find your eyes wandering comparing him to other men. The bandaid of adultery seems like a good idea. You are mad at yourself for failing and it seems like you will never get better, so the bandaid of bulimia offers to relieve the pressure. Everyone says joy is the best medicine right? So you laugh when you want to cry. No one will know, that your thinking you don't know how much more of this that you can take. It is not the pain that needs be treated...it is the wound. A simple cover up will not deal with a gashed heart.  We live our life and sometimes we get hurt. A heart wound is a bit different then a scrape on the knee. A miss kitty bandaid is not going to heal your sense of loss, abuse, bitterness,  broken heart, or pursuit of perfectionism. There are bandaids that we try to nurse our wounds with in hopes to get rid of the pain. In ministering to young people for more then ten years, I have seen many bandaids. Alcohol abuse, drugs, sexual addiction, eating disorders, are just a few ways we can attempt to check out of pain. For a moment it may help take the edge off the pain. It is easy to feel that even if it is just a brief relief, at least it is relief. 

      The thing about bandaids is that they eventually fall off...

Proverbs 34:18 " The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." 

God is compassionate, our protecter, our healer and He is the only presence that will bring ultimate healing.   In this life is inevitable that while we are on our adventure that we are going to run across scrapes and bruises, and sometimes gashes. It is so important that you guard your heart, and are careful where you take it for healing. There is a saying that states,  time heals all wounds...and I partially agree with this statement.  A broken leg requires to be set correctly or it will heal wrong, and time will reveal the deformity that comes from not setting it straight.  This I believe, is the same with our heart. If we try to fix our brokenness with things that are are not right, we will not heal. It may look better for awhile but time will actually reveal the deformity in what once looked like a healing. Today, as you are walking through , and you become aware of bumps, and bruises that happen while living life: I pray that you will carefully take even the littlest scrapes to God. It is through his touch and compassion that we find mending. If you feel exhausted from trying every remedy known to man, to heal a broken heart; I pray today that you will take a moment to ask God why you are hurting, and to seek his truth about your heart.

Let God take a look at those ouches...

Love, 
Laura Jean

NO SHAME ON YOU

I am not quite sure when I became aware of its presence but I realize now it had been with me a  long time...a really long time. It was a nagging, heavy feeling that stuck to my heart, and one that couldn't easily be shaken. I tried to lose it you know...several times, but no matter where I tried to leave it; I always found it again. I felt like a little person carrying a big weight, but I didn't know how to get it off my back. I was pretty sure others could see it too because when I walked into a room, I could feel the pressure of their eyes, and my face would flood with the color of a squished tomato hurled at me from the crowd. Thats what it felt  like anyway. Squished...squished with insecurity.  I felt naked and ashamed even with my clothes on. Fear seemed to tip toe into every situation creating an atmosphere of mistrust, and  a need to cover up. Layers couldn't hide it.  Panic lived in my chest, as I tried to avoid the presence of shame. It demanded punishment. A voice said, "Shame on you."

Shame majors on killing intimacy. It causes us to run from God, and others. It seeks to hinder your life and leaves a residue of inadequacy, and self hatred. It feels like someone has you by the throat as it seeks to silence your voice. Shame will cause toxic relationships and separate families. It creates an atmosphere of fear in our lives and the sense of unworthiness. Embarrassment sinks in and we draw back from chancing trust. It hinders communication, and the filter is self loathing. Guilt causes the feeling of the need to punish and so shame bashes our identity, and handcuffs our spirit. Like a prisoner, we feel trapped. The soul cries to be free.

I will never forget her. She was a beautiful girl that I met in a mall. We met because she worked in one of my favorite stores. She had lovely ivory skin, and was dressed in professional black. She was very intelligent and full of conversation. She told me about all the new things to try. In this store they bring out the product you are interested in and they will wash your hands with it. Hoping to show case how wonderful their soaps are; in hopes that you will buy the product. I chose the rose scented wash, that she told me was filled with thousands of crushed rose petals. She grabbed her silver bowl and poured the warm water over my hands, and my spirit dropped. As the water trickled down my arm , and she rubbed the thousands of petals into my skin... I saw them. Hundreds of scars. All up and down her beautiful ivory arms. Deep scars. I had never seen anyone with that many cut marks. The smell of the rose petal soap was mixed with the feeling of grief. I could barely hold back the tears, and even now when I think of her...I cry. I knew that the voice of shame was speaking in her life. Her face and arms are etched in my mind. Shame demands punishment. The soul longs to be clean from the feeling of guilt. As I write this I think of Jesus....

 “I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys.” (Solomon 2:1) 

 He was a crushed rose...

Isaiah 53:5 "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

The smell of roses come again to my senses, as I think of His body that was broken for this girl and for you and me. The rose washes over my soul...and its scent is love.

I see Jesus, at the edge of a massive sea with the shackles of lies that lock away our potential and peace in His hands. By His compassion, He carries them. With a mighty throw, He hurls them deep in the hungry waves.They sink far away from us. 

Micah 7:19 "You will again have compassion on us; you 

will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities 

into the depths of the sea."

How do we over come the feeling of shame in our life? 

The opposite of shame is honor.  Honor is a place of grace instead of disgrace. 

Today, I pray that the scent of a rose will come into the room of your heart. That you will see Him there  in the face of the shame you may feel. No ugly guilty feeling can stand in His presence, and the battered spirit will find joy and rest. I pray that you will know that His love covers and washes away all guilt. He takes hold of all the lies that seek to squash out your life, and hurls them far away from you. It is by abundant grace that we overcome shame. It is a place where we learn to give, and receive grace generously.  It is a place where we are able to accept the unconditional love of God.His love brings honor and not disgrace. It is by his grace that we can look shame in the face, and tell it to leave our lives. It is seeing yourself and others through the eyes of Jesus. Fear does not get to win in your life! You are blameless in His sight. NO SHAME ON YOU! 

Do you smell the Rose...

It is never "JUST" sex

We are "JUST" fooling around...

 Fooling...is a more accurate description  then what a person might think, when describing a casual approach to sex. We are fooling ourselves if we believe that fooling around has no cause, and effect. It is foolish to think, that sex is JUST anything. Believing that sex is JUST sex, is like playing with an atomic bomb, and thinking it is JUST a fourth of July sparkler. A sparkler is pretty, fast, it lights up the night, and everyone wants to play with it. What could be the harm?

Web source Unknown

Proverbs 6:27 "Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and

not have his clothes catch on fire?

Play with fire and you will get burned...

There is more to sex then the exchange of pleasurable favors.  During orgasm the release of oxytocin and vasopressin trigger feelings of attachment. This is a powerful mix of hormones meant to bind you together with someone. We live in times where people cry out for no restraint, and rights. Yet, if we search deeper...even the science of sex is the proof that it is something much more than," JUST".  The message of the media says, that it is easy to shake off sexual encounters, and for that matter...people are easy to shake off too. This is a lie. Think of one person you know that has been in a sexual relationship that can forget about that person. Tearing from that person leaves bitterness, and a hole that needs to be healed. When we have sex with someone we are walking around with parts of that person, and they have parts of our heart too.  Hooking up is a deadly way to try to catch the love of your life. You've heard the term," There's lots of fish in the sea". The word hook, paints a picture of a fish being baited, trapped, lured, and unto death...HOOKED. Death of dreams, values, hope,  and yes sometimes even physical death follows promiscuity. Our culture would like to paint a picture of dismissed physical acts that are glorious, and fulfilling. Lust is far from fulfilling, and its pleasures are fleeting. It leaves a hungrier, and angry heart. Sex will always have a cause, and effect. You cannot be unaffected by sexual encounters. There is a reason to rise to the occasion of protecting, and valuing your sexuality. You are so valuable. You are worth fighting for...good sex is worth fighting for...commitment is worth fighting for. 

I Corinthians 6:18 "Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body."  

AND... 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20  "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

My belief, is that the number one cause of promiscuity is a lack of vision mixed with a sense of no value....My prayer is that you will have vision for your life, and understand your worth today. I pray that no matter where you are, or where your heart has been, that you will know that you can turn to Jesus to define who you are...and not the message of the world.  Never believe sex is anything but powerful, and should be treated as a hot and holy act that is meant for marriage. It is meant to build, and create intimacy between two people. It was never meant to be a commodity that is JUST given away.  

 I pray that if you have been hooked by the lie that sex is a simple favor of pleasure...that you will be the one that got away. 

To Be Or Not To Be

"To be or not to be...that is the question " is a famous line from Hamlet. It is a question, that at some point, most will ask. When I think of the word potential, generally I think of the possibilities that I have before me, or what I COULD be.

To be...or Not to be....What will I be...or what will I not be? Who am I suppose to be? Some people die never feeling they had the answer to those questions. You were born with a calling and purpose on your life. All of your life is yet to be discovered, and explored. If only we could understand, and have a glimpse of who we are or to see just how precious our life is to God. I believe, that our whole life would change.

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...

                                       source: Internet pbase.com

I love thinking about that...Before he formed me....He knew me!!! He knew YOU!! When you were hidden away in your mothers womb in the secret place of God's design...He knew you. He knows exactly who we are and who He has called us to be. When no one else knew you existed; He already knew you. and was excited for your life.  Often I think of what it would be like to live without the knowledge and realization of God purposefully creating me. I know that it would be so empty to believe that...I just happened.  I am on this planet for a purpose...and so are YOU!!!

You were not made to remain small. You were made to uncover all the potential that is in you with Christ in you. No matter who you think you are, or who you are afraid you are becoming. It is not too late to live intentionally. Maybe you are afraid that you have missed out on your potential because of painful experiences. Maybe memories of mistakes haunt you everyday....so you settle for less then what you hope for because you don't believe you deserve any better. The thought of who your not, may be keeping you from being free to explore what God has for you.

It is time today, to take responsibility for your life and to acknowledge any sugar coated lies you may believe. I like to call them sugar coated because the ugly lie is just too bitter alone. We would spit it out if... it was that obvious. If mixed with some truth, it makes it easier to swallow, and hide the awful lie the enemy would want you to accept. What have you swallowed down and digested into your life because it seems some what true? Familiar lies are comfy lies, and they are  the ones that have been with us a long time. They seem to be unshakeable yet somewhat tolerable, and harmless. Are you walking fueled by a lie or lies that hinders your life and potential?

We will go through seasons in this life that may seem impossible. When walking through them you will need to guard your potential with truth. We must deliberately walk with a sense of calling and purpose! God has put His hand on your life, and set you apart. You have been born to reflect the glory of God. You are not just waiting to be...but you ARE already His child filled with purpose, and the potential is great...and it is time...To be.

Today my friend, I encourage you to intentionally walk with the confidence that you are a woman on assignment. Enjoy the adventure of unpacking, and exploring all the gifts that God has put inside of you. Do not stress yourself trying to figure out your whole life...think of it as a huge adventure that was designed just for you!!! As you go, you will find out what you are called too, and you will have joy in the journey. Your life is going somewhere! You are on a grand adventure!

If the question is, whether to be or not to be? I say...Be, the woman God has made you to BE!