Cold Feet

She lay on her bed with her heart pounding, and her mind full of anxiety, and doubt. Tears flowed and mingled with her hair, and pillow.  It wasn't that long ago that she had felt confident or so she thought. There was no sense of purpose anymore just a path of broken starts behind her. Her dreams felt like a fairytale that she was crazy enough to believe.  Pressing her into the bed like a heavy slab of cement the shame  weighed her spirit down.

She asked herself, " Why am I always in this same battle over, and over again? I told myself this would never happen again!" She had become everything she hated, and done everything she had promised she'd never do. This deepened the wound, and the rut of  her despair had become a grave to all sense of hope, and her dying dreams hung on the walls of her doubt.

The voices of depression were speaking again and she felt herself resigning to defeat.  The thoughts whispered, and she couldn't help but listen..."Maybe Im not worth the fight after all. I feel worthless, and why would God value me, and why would anyone want me? I don't deserve anything good. Maybe all I deserve is what Ive got...HOPELESSNESS."

Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 

Depression has been a familiar feeling to all of us at sometime in our lives. Doubt seems to  loom over our future , and a deep sense of regret haunts our past.

Have you ever had cold feet on the stage of your dreams? 

Have you ever wanted the best but decided that it is too scary to hope for?

You may be asking yourself...Why?

If you have ever felt like you are in a cycle of defeat, and shame... there is hope. Have you ever  had dreams, and made goals and yet deep down inside you didn't feel you deserved them?

Self sabotage is the conscious choices we make that prevent good things from happening at the hand of our own actions. We  believe in our heart that we don't deserve the best anyway, and so we choose the path of least resistance. Fear follows you around like a shadow, and because you are afraid of being robbed you choose poverty of heart. Who can rob me if I have nothing? Self pity is your best friend. Blame becomes your defense for your broken state. Chasing others away that love you becomes a pattern of rejection in your life ; your going to leave them before they ever have a chance to leave you. Your pride becomes the wall between you and your freedom. 

Do you believe today that God has the best for you? The best spouse? A good job? The right friends?  Do you feel valuable? Do you believe that you are worth protecting? Do you want freedom from the cycle of defeat? 

Freedom is right there for the taking. Jesus breaks the chains of our captivity with His promises that are never broken.

Finally...

Phillippians 4:8 " Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me-these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

To find freedom from self sabotage and self hatred you must call it like it is. You can choose to walk in truth today. 

 Instead of finding blame in others for your circumstances you must take responsibility for believing lies and kick them out. Turn from them and repent for believing them. 

You must replace the lies with truth. It is time to forgive others and yourself. Let go of the past and renounce all fellowship with bitterness. 

My prayer today is that you will take a moment to deal with your belief about yourself and how God sees you. May you find freedom to believe for and choose the best that God has for you...because you are worth it!